10 Lessons Glasgow Freshers Must Learn

By Mina Green

Ah, Glasgow. Such a cosmopolitan city – known for being violent yet amicable. As Kevin Bridges once said ‘you might get the shit kicked out of you, but you’ll get directions to the hospital’. As a city with such a bold reputation, it’s important to paint the town red (but not literally) and make your contribution eventful, especially during freshers’ week. Here’s a list of 15 things you’re bound learn when discovering Glaswegian culture.

Chips and Cheese is a delicacy

Deep-fried, succulent, and seeping in a stringy yellow glow, the potato has never been so degraded yet so delicious. If you’re out on the town and need some stodge to fill your belly and soak up your bad life decisions, I guarantee this will become a classic midnight snack in no time. And if you’re feeling cheeky, you can always add a battered sausage for an extra dose of delicious/heart attack.

Chips and Cheese

Nice’n’Sleazy’s is not sleazy

Contrary to what this bar name suggests, Saucheihall Street’s Nice n’ Sleazy is probably one of the friendliest/dingiest/now hipsterish bars in town, and definitely one of the least sleazy, well, as far as bars go. The £3 white russians are invigorating and help keep your stomach lined (sensible drinking?) and the eclectic mixture of live music makes this joint a great visit for a fresher.

Nice N Sleazy

‘Rain’ is synonymous with ‘weather’, and vice versa

A drizzling blanket of depression is a constant companion when you live in Glasgow. Going abroad and experiencing sun will seem alien and you’ll panic at your lack of wet sleeves. This dreary companion will eventually become comforting (that, or a serious Stockholm Syndrome situation develops).


You’ll see Kevin Bridges or Frankie Boyle at The Stand

The Stand’s Tuesday night ‘Red Raw’ tends to showcase a hefty mixture of amateurs and professionals. Whether grimacing awkwardly or literally giving yourself stitches from laughing, for a mere £2 the wonderful Kevin Bridges or Frankie Boyle may grace you with their presence.

Kevin Birdges

A part-time residency at Barbeque Kings or Best Kebab is inevitable

Stumbling out of Bamboo on a Sunday night then Viper on a Monday, eating at these joints will become a late night ritual. A convenient and encouraged option for before-home munchies, Barbeque Kings and Best Kebab will seem the centre of Glasgow’s culinary delights.

Best Kebab

Ashton Lane is the epitome of glamour

With its sparkling lights and cobbled-ness, Ashton Lane looks like it’s been sliced straight out of a Parisian movie (or so we Glaswegians think). As a fresher you will frequent the ‘fanciness’ of Ashton Lane to indulge in Vodka Wodka’s promos (jolly rancher anyone?) as a sophisticated alternative to Driftwood’s 79p vodka and cokes.


Kelvingrove Park has all the nature

Slotted perfectly between the rustic architecture of Glasgow’s West End and the urban buzz of the City Centre the park proves great for general frolicking. For Strathy/Caley students a trip to Kelvingrove Park is exciting and adventurous and a chance to soak up all the nature. For Glasgow Uni students it is a chance to soak up all the nature. It’s a great place for a BBQ or picnic in the rare occasion the sun makes an appearance.


How to understand Glaswegians

Especially if you’re an international student, learning how to respond to a Glaswegian with something other than ‘sorry, can you repeat that?’ will become an envied skill. Bonus points go to the student that can decipher drunk Glaswegian – a whole different level of confusion.


To drink Buckfast as a last resort

There’s always at least one bottle littering student halls just waiting to cause havoc. A drink fit for monks, this treacle-like sugar-bile will definitely become embedded into your organs at some point during fresher’s week. As a student of Glasgow, swigging this luxury beverage from the bottle will be a rite of passage.


Deep-fried mars bars aren’t really a thing

As Glasgow is famous for its deep-fried mars bars you’ll come to learn that the deep-fried sticky treat isn’t a regular choice for most chippy-goers. Most people living in Glasgow have never tried it, it’s a mythical snack that you don’t dare ask for.

Mars Bar

What else have you learned living in Weegietoon? Tell us on Twitter @FreshersFest